Revolution Reality

I’ll try to skip the usual “it’s been a long time since I last posted” spill, and get straight to the point this time.

So many things are just frustrating and confusing me.  I see this and that and I push to do what is right, but there’s times where I just feel worn out.  It’s been almost five years and I have no one to confide in here.  I’m not wanting sympathy, partly because I think this is somewhat of a phase in life anyway.  If I have to stay in the wilderness (as it often appears) for the next 20 years to move to where God has for me, then I’d rather stay there.  What makes it frustrating is when some things look lost.  I don’t want to move until God tells me to move.  It’s discouraging sometimes looking at where others are and feeling there’s no hope to get even close to where they are.  I know there’s hope though.  There’s always hope.

In the mean time, I’ve been listening to my pastor at church and many different podcasts.  If it weren’t for podcasting, I don’t know where I’d be.  Lately I’ve been listening to theMill, Desperation, _tag, and the onething podcasts.

“Relief from or removal of a mental complex” or the “loss or reduction of sensitivity to infection or an allergen accomplished by means of frequent, small doses of the antigen” — the definition of desensitization. There is so much I could express and say tonight and I am deeply overcome. I cannot express even a fraction of what is on my mind. I try to push myself to accept things sometimes, but I cannot any longer. I feel alone – I am alone. I would rather be alone than compromise. There is a psychological term called desensitization that is incredibly interesting. I may not fully understand it, but gradually moving someone closer to something they fear with something positive at the same time can cause them to no longer be afraid of it. What I find interesting, is the same tactic is in use with sin – each year it goes a little further, each year what was once feared is now gradually more accepted. What was once feared and unacceptable is now acceptable. What was once dirty is now clean and okay. It’s not okay. I must protect every part of my life, and it is a battle – especially when it appears (though it is highly distorted) I’m the only one running.  Read 1 Kings 19.

These past few weeks have been … just different.  I feel I’m learning more now than I have in a while — and school has nothing to do with it.  I’ll just run down a few things I’ve been going through lately.

Someone told me something about how things were going with them, and I shared some of what going on with me.  I learned something though that conversation though, and that is that sometimes what we see in others really isn’t bad, but rather good — even when it appears horrible or hopeless.  I have no idea where God has them or me.  He may have me somewhere all alone for many years, yet if I were to pass that time up and run after my own desires nothing that God had for me to do could be accomplished (or it could, it would just probably take a lot longer and a lot more heartache).  Strangely enough, I’ve been thinking about this for the past few days and was awakened at 6:19 (I set my alarm clock weird) by a radio program, which I don’t regularly listen to (time: obviously). The speaker was talking about Joseph and how the time he had been in prison helped build his character. On another note, he mentioned he didn’t complain either. I may have missed the entire point he was trying to make (as I only heard around five minutes of it), but that was just what I needed to hear. That said, I’ve heard it before already at my church …

I said school wasn’t one, but it’s strange because three of my classes are all different, yet they’re all talking about the same thing in different ways (sometimes).  The thing I am picking up most is the economic side of things, which is quite interesting.  This is just a side note though…

Basically everything I’ve listened to lately all agrees with each other (all they all come from all over the place). I watched a movie last night that taught me a lot about how to live life – selfless. There’s just a lot of things that just been going on, and I’m just praying that I stop trying to figure it all out, and just step back and let God do what he wants to do. The more knowledge I have, the more useless I am – if that’s all I have. The more I try to figure things out, the more I see there are some things that aren’t meant to be figured out by my own human wisdom. It’s frustrating sometimes, no doubt, but it’s the only way to go. As much as I wish I’m over all of what I’ve been hearing, I’m not. So, I’m learning …

The American Heritage Dictionary states that criticism is “a critical comment or judgment” and it is “the act of criticizing, especially adversely” (Answers.com). So perhaps I’m an expert on criticism. It’s great being able to look at something or someone and point out all of its flaws. How much harder it is to actually point out its unique beauty and character?

Several days ago I was listening to someone speak on fasting, and some of the things you can fast from (because fasting can also mean “a period of refrain”). While I wasn’t as focused on what exactly was being said, I found something that stuck out to me: you can refrain from criticism for a period of time. Now, I love to point out people’s flaws so refraining from criticism can’t be easy. I mean, look at how people park in a parking lot! Just plain bad sometimes. But what if there was a reason for it? Sure, the parking may still be bad, but what if the reason they parked so “bad” was because of some external reason, say perhaps there was a buggy in their way?

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I’ve started just telling myself “don’t criticize” when I feel so inclined to do so. I’m good at judging people before I know them a lot of times. I don’t know exactly why I feel inclined to point out others faults, especially when I’m no better than they are, sometimes more so than others. I remember a few days ago when I said something about how someone could be put in jail for a specific action they did – all the while not thinking that I could be found guilty of the same thing. When I look at people, I no longer what to think or see the “wrong” they may be in. I want to love them. Love never fails.

So this is what I’ve been learning lately. I’m not near the end of the tunnel, and I don’t see myself as “fasting” criticism, but rather trying to escape it. How can I really judge others, condemning them, while I myself am just as guilty of the same sins they are? Jesus said that if we lust after someone we’ve already committed adultery in our hearts. In the same way, if I judge someone for doing something that I have only acted upon in my mind, how much different is it? I committed the same sin, yet I judge the other person for acting upon it. I don’t ever want to do that, yet I have before and I still do. I think it’s something that we as a body of believers should long to be free of, not just because it may be a “noble” thing to do, but because it’s the Biblical thing to do.

Listen to the Desperation podcast, search for “Overcome: Kill the Devil” by David Perkins.

Entertainment captivates people. It’s something people pursue. Entertainment is a part of life, we all want to be entertained at some point or another during our day. Some people live for it, while others just enjoy it from time to time. Where does entertainment go from being just something we enjoy, to being an idol, something we obsess over?

I’m not going to say I know that answer, because I really don’t know exactly myself. Entertainment in itself isn’t bad. I like to watch movies sometimes, play games, and the like. There is always a point where too much can become a bad thing, though. There’s a point where it can steal away and blind a people from the things of God, from living our life in positive worship to God.

I enjoy playing video games. Is this wrong? No. Too much time spent playing them can be though. I’m writing to myself tonight. There’s been weeks I’ve spent hours and hours just wasting away at video games. I’m not alone, I’m sure there are other people who spend three and four times as much time as I do playing games. I think many times it’s a way to fulfill a need of just something to do.

I’m, in no way, trying to say spending a little time playing video games is wrong. There are certain games, movies, and music (all entertainment) that I do believe is wrong or can be wrong. I’ve wrote several things about my thoughts on those here.

I’ve been thinking a little bit tonight. I think often times pushes us away from Christ. From a military standpoint, I believe this would be a good idea for an enemy. If there is a way to preoccupy the opposing foe with fun and enjoyment, it will both blind and weaken the enemy. If this enemy is blind to the army all around it that is about to overtake it, it cannot fight (blinded). It cannot attempt to fight if it’s not trained (weakened). It’s a great strategy, and is used in diversions – where the opposing side brings a small force to the diversion front, but then surprise attacks from another direction.

In the same way, I believe, we can be – and are being – blinded and weakened. We spend time entertaining ourselves, while not realizing there’s an enemy at our doorstep. We are weakened by not knowing the Word of God. I think we’re all guilty, and no one can ever fully be prepared. However, we can prepare. We all cave in to sin at times even though we don’t want to, but even so God has given us everything we need for life and Godliness.

Do I know all of the Bible? Of course not. I dislike, and think I’m horrible, at memorization, and honestly take less time than I should at trying to memorize. I still need work in areas. There’s obvious things we can do though, such as limiting our time on the computer, watching TV, and just wasting time with stuff that doesn’t matter ten minutes from that point. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I need to get more serious. It’s not always easy going through stuff alone. Sometimes it feels like I’m alone, but I know that I’m not alone. There’s always going to be valleys and trials, those are always the times where faith is decided. And we must go through those valleys, because those are the times where character is built.

To sum it all up, we need more of Jesus, less of us. More love for Christ and others, less self-love. There’s a real enemy out there. We, myself included, need to wake up. What are we going to be committed to?

Someone at church asked me for a list of worship music and all. I put together this somewhat quick list. It’s nowhere near complete, but it’s some of the good music I like. I added Worship, Christian Rock, and Contemporary Christian and split them up on different pages. If someone was looking for some good music, here’s a rough list to start you out. The bolded names are my favorites. Also, I didn’t put full albums all the time simply because I either haven’t listened to all the songs, or I didn’t find the rest of the album that great (sadly). If anyone has favorites not on this list, feel free to add them in a comment.

Good Christian Worship, Rock, and Contemporary Music