I’m not going to say I know that answer, because I really don’t know exactly myself. Entertainment in itself isn’t bad. I like to watch movies sometimes, play games, and the like. There is always a point where too much can become a bad thing, though. There’s a point where it can steal away and blind a people from the things of God, from living our life in positive worship to God.

I enjoy playing video games. Is this wrong? No. Too much time spent playing them can be though. I’m writing to myself tonight. There’s been weeks I’ve spent hours and hours just wasting away at video games. I’m not alone, I’m sure there are other people who spend three and four times as much time as I do playing games. I think many times it’s a way to fulfill a need of just something to do.

I’m, in no way, trying to say spending a little time playing video games is wrong. There are certain games, movies, and music (all entertainment) that I do believe is wrong or can be wrong. I’ve wrote several things about my thoughts on those here.

I’ve been thinking a little bit tonight. I think often times pushes us away from Christ. From a military standpoint, I believe this would be a good idea for an enemy. If there is a way to preoccupy the opposing foe with fun and enjoyment, it will both blind and weaken the enemy. If this enemy is blind to the army all around it that is about to overtake it, it cannot fight (blinded). It cannot attempt to fight if it’s not trained (weakened). It’s a great strategy, and is used in diversions – where the opposing side brings a small force to the diversion front, but then surprise attacks from another direction.

In the same way, I believe, we can be – and are being – blinded and weakened. We spend time entertaining ourselves, while not realizing there’s an enemy at our doorstep. We are weakened by not knowing the Word of God. I think we’re all guilty, and no one can ever fully be prepared. However, we can prepare. We all cave in to sin at times even though we don’t want to, but even so God has given us everything we need for life and Godliness.

Do I know all of the Bible? Of course not. I dislike, and think I’m horrible, at memorization, and honestly take less time than I should at trying to memorize. I still need work in areas. There’s obvious things we can do though, such as limiting our time on the computer, watching TV, and just wasting time with stuff that doesn’t matter ten minutes from that point. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I need to get more serious. It’s not always easy going through stuff alone. Sometimes it feels like I’m alone, but I know that I’m not alone. There’s always going to be valleys and trials, those are always the times where faith is decided. And we must go through those valleys, because those are the times where character is built.

To sum it all up, we need more of Jesus, less of us. More love for Christ and others, less self-love. There’s a real enemy out there. We, myself included, need to wake up. What are we going to be committed to?

I’ve got a few more minutes left on the last message in the “Living In Graceland” series from theMill.  In the last one Aaron Stern talks about helping the needy.  I want to help them.  I would really love to focus on my age group (which is fast approaching: “used to be my age group”).

There was an entry I added, ironically, a year ago tomorrow.  I wasn’t even aware that it was the “anniversary” of the post, but either way — I was going to talk about.  In brief, the post is about who I’m looking for in a future wife.  Recently, I’ve just about grown to the point where I’m not sure it can be met — and others around me have told me the same.  So I’m keeping the list until September 15th, 2006 — unless something changes.  That’s a full month.  If nothing has changed from now and then, I’m changing it.  Some of the things that I feel are essential for me to connect to whomever I date (and hope-to marry), are the things I’ll probably reform or remove.

Of the items on my list that’ll be changed is music.  Why did I add music in the first place?  It all comes down to this: garbage in, garbage out.  I want a pure relationship.  I can’t relate to music that has ungodly content.  I mean, the music doesn’t have to have plain out “wrong” lyrics.  Even if they’re about just relationships, I don’t relate to most.  Does that mean I specify all secular music as “wrong”?  Of course not, I like a few (key word: few) secular groups.  They’re not on my media library, though.  I don’t listen to them in the car.  I just don’t have enough time to listen to Christian music and secular to see what I like and don’t like and worry about the lyrics.  This is just one of the few things I’ll change.

A few days ago I felt like just striking out most of the entry, but have decided just in the past hour or so to wait.  If I get rid of some of the constraints, I may find someone whom I like.  I suppose I could talk about it all day, but right now it’s not going to change anything.

All I’m going to do now is pray and hope for the best.  I’ve prayed that if I’m living in legalism, or my list is legalistic, that it’ll be revealed to me.  I want to be real with people, but I also have deep convictions.  I try to be as real with people as I can.

I’m enjoying work this year.  The air conditioner doesn’t work in our office, but that’s life.  Last year I complained of it being too cold.  So I shouldn’t complain, I guess.

I’m ready for school to start … I think.  Next week is going to be different.  I’ll probably go eat lunch at least one day out of the year.  Maybe I can see some people in class and sit with them at lunch.  Meeting people is horrible though.  Especially if you don’t have anything in common …

New things, they come in time …

God’s timing is perfect.  God is perfect.  God is the author and finisher of our faith.  He loves us and molds us and makes us into his image.  After years and years of knowledge, when does the knowledge become the religious?

Why aren’t anyone passionate?  Why is everyone fine with complacancy?  Is it because it means that sin can still run rampent (in some circles, anyway)?  Or is it just because it just means we never have to step out of our comfort zones?  I don’t know.  One thing I love about my church is this: the people there are passionate.  The core of my church, I can actually see in my mind passionately seeking God at every time during the day.

I love the night.  The night is when I can really connect with God in prayer and worship.  It’s so hard to do at 8 o’clock.  It’s so very hard.  I’ve not been able to figure that out.  It’s just how I’m wired.  I think there’s a lot of college aged people that fit into this category though … it’s just the church doesn’t (for the most part) do anything, so it’s used for drinking, sex, and drugs.

I have a passion for …

• those who feel hopeless.
• those who feel like no one is there for them.
• those that don’t know where else to go, or who to turn to.
• those who are broken (emotionally, spiritually, physically).

I suppose that’s just a small list, but I want to help these people.  I love helping people.  That’s what my “job” essentially is: helping people.

I want to see people whom are passionate about prayer and fasting — who we can all help push each other in.  I don’t want to lead.  Maybe I’m called to lead though.  I think why I don’t want to lead is because I’m so young, look even younger, and am quite (shy? maybe).  I just don’t have much vision of how to run things, though.  Or maybe I do, but I don’t want to jump head first in it.

That said: my passion right now would be to have a weekly corporate prayer time (not once a month, or year, but weekly) between midnight and 2am (or longer, depending on where God leads).

The basic problem with this is this: will ANYONE else catch this vision?  Will there be anyone (besides me) who would like to do this (or even maybe not, but wouldn’t mind doing it just out of love for God and the people of this city)?  Personally, I loved being challenged by others to press deeper into God — ie: fasting.  Even if it were just two or three people.  With fasting it’s hard to challenge myself.

Either way, I’m letting it be known … if I’m supposed to lead, I’ll lead.  I just want a vision, the words (please?), or something so I can move from point A to point B.  Doesn’t matter if it’s bumpy, just matters that it works — and more importantly: if lives are changed.

Anyhow …

Our friends from Georgia are over visiting.  There wasn’t much going on today, for me anyway.  I probably need to do something productive, which I do sometimes, but sometimes it’s hard to find something to do.  I need a job, but I want to work here in Tallassee because anywhere else just wastes more of my time (when I get off work, I want to go home … not wait 45 minutes and then be home).  I’m thinking about just trying to get a job where my sister works, but I’m not sure I’ll do that just yet.  I’ve just been praying for something to open up … I’m really out of ideas.  All I can do is prayer and have faith, and so that’s what I’m going to do.  God will never fail me.

I watched Remember the Titans tonight (because it came on TV).  We have the DVD, but when we moved the disc became bent, it’s very strange.  None the less, it won’t play anymore.  I almost got half of it to copy, but I could never get the entire thing to copy, so I guess it’s just a loss.  The movie is one of my all time favorites though.  The moral of the story is great, it’s based on a true story, and it’s pretty clean.

Ah, I got a hair cut the other night … finally.  I was starting to have some really long hair, haha.  It’s still much longer than how I use to have my hair, though.  I thought I wouldn’t like it, but turned out diffrent.  Boring, I know.

Well, that’s about all for tonight.  I’m supposed to go to the church tomorrow at 10a.m.  Oh, this reminds me, my church is having a “commitment Sunday” (where you commit to the church, as it doesn’t take membership).  I’m honestly not sure what I’m going to do.  I’m committed, however, I also am committed to my other church.  They offically open their doors on Easter Sunday, so I’ve got some time to pray about it.  As of now I’m not a member of any church (“offically”) nor am I “offically” committed to a church (although I did say I was committed to my other church, though the length of that commitement I didn’t specify).  Right now I think I may just leave it that way, however I’m committed to both — meaning if they ask me to do anything I’ll do it.  I believe this is the way it may stay.  Only prayer will tell.

“What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Obedience is far better than sacrifice. Listening to him is much better than offering the fat of rams. Rebellion is as bad as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you from being king.”

1 Samuel 15:22-23 NLT (emphasis added)

I don’t know if Saul was really planning on offering those as sacrifices, but what is evident is that he used an excuse for his sin. There was no fear of the Lord there — he was therefore rejected as King.

How many times do we travel on the highway over the speed limit and then we try to justify our sin with, “everyone else is doing it” or “people will get mad at me for going slow”. What if we really believed what Paul said in Romans 13? “Obey the government, for God is the one who put it there. All governments have been placed in power by God. So those who refuse to obey the laws of the land are refusing to obey God, and punishment will follow. For the authorities do not frighten people who are doing right, but they frighten those who do wrong.” (verse 1-3a NLT) I’m definatly not saying I go the speed limit at all times — however, I do always try to. And honestly, there is no justification for going over the limit. If you see a state trooper and you’re frightened (and thus slow down and tick the people going the speed limit off) then obviously you’re doing something wrong — you’re sinning. Of course, this isn’t fun to hear because we, as humans, don’t like going slower than the limit … it means it’ll take us 2 more minutes to get to work or school. Even if you’re speeding to get to church … there is no excuse.

I wanted to share that because I thought about it earlier today, and I wanted to expand upon it.

I went, for a third time to see The Chronicles of Narnia. I do believe it’s the first movie I’ve saw three times in the theater. Honestly, I want them to make as much money off the movie as they can — not for Disney’s sake, but as a statement of the type of movies people are really interested in seeing. Also, I found it interesting that at a 1:00pm showing it still had a pretty large crowd — after almost a full month after it’s release. I’ve still yet to read the books, although I am planning on doing so sometime soon.

Now comes a little New Years Resolution. I’ve honestly never really remember making one (that I really intended to keep), but maybe I’m wrong. By the end of 2006 I will: be speaking more, worshipping GOD much more freely, believe what God has said about me, have some friends (and a girlfriend that exceeds everything on my list), and finish reading the Bible (actually I think that may have been an old resolution, but I’m going to finish everything I’ve yet to read). That’s my list, not too long, but not too short either.

I think those speak for themselves, so I’m going to leave the list alone for now. I’ve been thinking more and more about something: secular music. It’s something I don’t like at all. Maybe it’s too deep for some people to understand, but there’s a reason to why I don’t like it. Speaking from a Christian stand point, the majority of the lyrics in non-Christian (secular) songs are against morallity. When we make the decision to become a Christian, things have to change. This includes music. Then there’s the: why? Why we should change our music style is because of the lyrics. Some will say they can “relate to the lyrics”, which is understandable — for a non-Christian. Most secular songs should not be “relatable” for Christians — especially single (unmarried) Christians.

There are some okay songs written for married people in the “secular” arena. Spoken has some awesome lyrics relating to relationships (see “Wind in My Sails” and “Sleep Well Tonight“). The good thing about these songs, though, is that it doesn’t really have to be directed to a wife … because it’s not talking about sex or anything else. Then there are songs for people having relationship trouble. BarlowGirl has a song called, “I Need You to Love Me“, and while it’s not directly related to “relationship” trouble, it’s an honest song written directly to God.

Secular music puts you in the center — sex is about you, drugs make you feel good, women are objects, men are untrustworthy (although, sadly, this is true a lot of times). With Christian music — God is number one, sex is not about you, women are sisters, men are spiritual leaders. These are the reason why secular music is not fit for a Christian.

There are many awesome Christian groups out there. Sadly, the good groups seem to be overlooked, with some not as good being “propelled” — even in the secular world. There are many good Christian bands out there, yet very few ever see light outside of the Christian music industry (unless they comprimise to some extent). Generally, I’ve found those that have “crossed over” tend to produce worse content (I love the old Switchfoot, dislike much of the new). Am I really trying to just make a case for Christian music? Maybe. Moreover, though, I’d like to see Christians listenings to Christian music. Why? Life is all about God, singing about some girl your whole life is seriously on the verge of insanity. I’m going to forever love, cherish, and honor my future wife — I’m not, however, going to worship her, use her for sex, or anything else.

That’s where I stand on that issue. The music I relate to most is Praise and Worship music, and the truth be told, that should be the music all Christians should relate to most.

Last night I went back out with Lynette. I’m not sure how it went, lol. I had fun. We went bowling and then we went to the mall for a few hours. It was a “double date” with Jenna and Mitchell. At the mall we split up, so we got to talk (and we actually did talk). I think, though, that I’ve been saying I’m shy, but I really don’t think I am. I’m quite, that’s my nature. That’s how my parents are. I’m shy to an extent, but I think why I am is because I really don’t have a lot to say a lot of times. Personally I love to hear what’s on other peoples minds (as long as you don’t talk monotone, and aren’t just saying the same stuff over and over) … but in dumb peoples terms: I’m a listener. I can be vocal, however, but normally I’m thinking and processing what has already been said, that I’m not saying anything else (and it’s better to think before you speak). Honestly, I hate getting up in front of an audience; however, when I’m actually up there I’m not as bad (just very nervous). I actually enjoy talking about something I’ve spent time and researched or thought through. I’m not sure why I’m saying all of this though. Oh, we also went to Krispy Kreame and Mitchell and I bought two dozen donuts. As for the date, I’m not sure how it went — I just had a good time with someone I want to know more about.

I’ve got to keep this short because I noticed my old church finally readded the messages that were lost when some server crashed or something. It’s part of their college group, and I really enjoy his messages. So, I’m out for the night!

Moving along … yesterday before church I checked out iTickets website for some reason and low and behold … the Falling Up concert has been cancled. While that ticked me off, I waited for “conformation”. I let my mom call the people up while I was at school and all today. The church said they cancled just a week prior to the event, and later — around 7 o’clock or so, someone calls back from the events sponser as to why it was cancled. The reasoning made me very mad. I’m not mad at the sponser, I’m very happy and excited at what they’re doing and hope they don’t give up — I’m mad at this general area. The event was cancled as only 4 tickets — yes only FOUR tickets — were sold. Three for me … and obviously someone else was going. Now sure, that understandable. While I’ve not heard the other side of the story, I did hear my mom’s retelling of why the event was canceled. The local radio stations in the Montgomery area wouldn’t run ads. The local churches wouldn’t sponser it. I guess over all they had no support and word of mouth only works so much.

Now this all brings me to the church. The church is suppose to be a body of people supporting each other. Yet it’s like the church is only supporting itself. It’s not reaching out. I saw so many people at school and when I said I listen to Christian Rock most thought that meant Third Day. Third Day, for those who need informing, is a band from Atlanta. That’s probably the only reason everyone knows them. They have some very powerful songs — but the lyrics are really the best part about their music. A large majority of church today likes to push Christian Rock, Rap, Hard Rock, and etc out the window and DISCOURAGE them from listening to such. Look, the times have changed. The church has to change with the times. As much as I hate the music class I’m in, I’ve learned something … durring the reformation hymns became a part of church largely in part due to Martin Luther and his protestant reformation. The catholic church was faced with a challenge — and they, as well, had a change in music. A vast majority of what Christian Rock entails NEEDS to be in church today. Sometimes we just need to cry out to God — and the word cry there means to shout (Ps. 18:6, for example). I know many songs that hold so much emotion and passion for God that needs to be put into church — and these are deeper than your grandmothers hymns, these are songs full of the hearts of todays youth and young adults. The fact is, people are still listening to secular music when there is much better Christian music focused on a living Holy God. The sad part about it is that parts of the church condem this. The areas that are accepting it are seeing revival.

It’s kind of interesting that the last major revival (the reformation and the revivals that spawned the 400 years or so after it) started with new music, opposition to how the church of the time was run (it’s leaders and the political structure it entailed), and it vastly started with youth and young adults. Martin Luther became a monk around the age of 22, and declared his intolerance of the Roman Catholic church around the age of 34. William Tyndall had his masters degree by the age of 21 and could speak fluently in eight languages (so well that people said it was hard to tell it wasn’t his native language), he was still young at the age of 41 when he died (a maryter).

Okay, thirty minutes later and I’m studying church history. Very interesting. The first Bible every printed in America was in 1663 by John Eliot, which was written in the Native American language. I’ll have a lot of stuff to look at now, this site is packed full of information.

It’s time for bed now …

I think all too often we, myself included, look at so much other things and look to so many other things that really isn’t worth giving my time of day to. There comes a day though when all we want is change. When we find there must be something more, but what is it that we’re looking for that we don’t have? We’ve done everything else. We’ve had the sex, we’ve done the talks, we’ve done everything … but were is the love? Does love just come from doing these things, or does love come from something else? Life is so much more than acting wild and being crazy. What is it though?

We look so many ways fo something that we don’t need. We think that “if this makes me feel good, it must be good”. What if what feels good is wrong though? What if what makes you feel good today makes you tremble tomorrow when you’re holding the phone? I’ve been there, and I’ve been here.

Right now I feel like I have butterflies, but they’re like burning. It’s the awesomest feeling, yet at the same time there’s something that makes me want to just let any emotion that I have out. I see people with open hearts that are so beautiful, but like a face pushed to the ground and stepped all over, so has their heart been. Their hearts are so broken. They look to other things for what they want. On movies they show sex, it looks like they like it. It looks like nothings wrong with it, and that no one really gets hurt. What if they only show one side? What if sex does hurt more than one person? What will happen when they’re holding the phone trembling because of what was said? Will doing whatever feels good really benifit anyone?

Whilst I’ve never smoked, nor have I never drank, or even done drugs … does it make me want to? Will that make me feel better on those days when I feel so bad? I’ve been on several sides of the road, and sometimes I feel like I’m on the dirtroad going in the wrong direction. God in all his grace has set me free, yet sometimes I feel like there’s something missing. I’ve done the deed, I’ve done the act, and all I can say is that in hindsight — which always seems 20/20 — it was wrong. What felt good at the time didn’t hurt me at the time. It tried to destroy me. Had I continued on the course it would have. While I might would have been successful in the workplace, I would be longing for love that couldn’t be found in sex or anything else. I’ve noticed a few things about getting to know someone, loving someone, and never touching them once — you really love them. It’s not lust, it’s love. Pornography doesn’t bring love, sex doesn’t bring love, nothing we can do can bring love. Sex isn’t a display, showing, or even an act of love, unless you really know them. Not just saying you know them, but really getting to know them. It’s not any of that until you and the other can wait until marriage — no matter how hard that may be. That’s the problem though — it is hard. It’s possibly the hardest things in live to do — waitting for marriage to have sex.

There are hundreds of zombies walking around all around us. They claim they feel perfect, yet they’re dying inside. No one knows it but them, no one knows what they’re going through but them, no one has ever experienced what they’re experiencing. There are other people though. They’ve been there. There’s no reason to stay at home in their rooms with their head in their hands. There is someone who loves them. There are other people who have went through what they’re going through, and some pull out of it, some stay in their own prision poisioning themselves by their own self-hatred. Why, though? Is this really the way to live? Does life really feel better when you cover it up with sex? Sex is so awesome, it’s something that’s beyond what human imagination can imagine. What makes it awesome if everyone knows what you’re like in bed though? Is there anything awesome in that?

Sure, your going to have sex and of course you’re then getting married. When, though? You’re sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty … you’re still caught up in all of the drama elsewhere in life and imature with other things to ever be making such a rash descision. Very few are mature enough to handle marriage comitments at the age of eighteen or nineteen, though some are. If you’re too imature to wait to have sex though, are you really mature enough to handle marriage? A lasting marriage at that? What will happen when ten weeks from now she breaks up with you? Will there be another girl to treat the same way, to go and have sex with and tell her the same stuff you told the other one? What happens when he breaks up with you? Will you still believe the stuff that he told you? The truth of the matter is, there are very few lasting marriage that occur with highschool sweethearts. When you’ve been with two people, does that really make life more satisfying? What happens when you’ve given your hear away to five people? I’ve been here, I said marriage, I was engaged. The engagement lasted four months. Truth of the matter is, I never loved her. Our relationship was based on more of lust than anything — on both sides. So what’ll happen when that call comes? Will you run to another relationship? Will you consol with friends? Will you drop to your knees and cry out to God? Or will you just sit there, and wait to die.

First things first, for those that do not know me, I’m quiet in person. I study and learn, and more importantly, I listen. I listen to people. I see things that happen, I hear the problems other people are having in their relationships. I learn different things during these times. Some of these points have come about simply because of things that I’ve heard and came across and find that I really don’t believe is characteristics of a healthy, loving, godly relationship. So here’s how it all starts.

My wife must be a Christian. This is the first and most important thing about who I’m going to marry. There must be a love and a zeal for God, and it must be evident by the way she lives and others people should see, by the way she lives, that there is something different about her. This would lead to good morals, good attitudes, and clean godly lifestyle. This also means that she holds nothing against anyone, and thus lives in forgiveness. I believe that all eight of the fruits of the spirit should be evident, or at least growing evident, in her life — love, joy, peace, patients, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self control. I want my wife to be clean of moral hazards that wreck the lives of people in today’s culture, this includes sex, drugs, television, music, images, and various other forms of media currently out there.

All of this, I believe, will lead to my wife having self respect. She’s respect both herself, but also those in authority over her — pastor, parents, government, and boss. Respecting herself includes the way she dresses, speech, acts, and serves.

My wife will not have jealousy running rampant in her life, this will carry on to also mean that she’ll not want, or feel the need, to manipulate myself or others to get what she wants.

This leads me to the new things I’m going to add. I’m not removing, but more downplaying the moving part now. I really want to settle down and live in an area where I settle down at. If that means move before then, then that’s what it means. I’m believing God for this one. Money issues have also caused me to think. I’m someone who saves money and doesn’t spend it if I don’t have the money. I also don’t believe too highly in having my wife work, although I wouldn’t object if she wanted to work (as long as we don’t have kids). I believe in stay at home moms, and I think this is the way it should be. I believe that the money I make, that it’ll be able to support my family after college, with one job, without having to resort to my wife working.

Now, that’s what I’m looking for, and this list is God’s list. It’s impossible, true, but I serve the possible, Almighty God. To put a twist on all of this I want to add what I hope to be to my wife — a strong leader following those in authority over me (Christ, Pastor, government), love her, cherish her, make her feel special (even in those times she feels down), support her in her goals and ambitions, be there when she feels no one else can or will, pick her up when she falls, make her laugh, make her cry those joyful tears, and just be the person, the man, she’s never had or never thought she could find.

That’s all, it’s a short list (or is it?), but that’s who I want my wife to be, and that’s who I want to be to my wife.

Update 1 (December 26, 2005): Whomever I marry must not use a cell phone on the first four dates (after that — used in heavy moderation). I hate cell phones with a passion.

Also, I’ve thought a little more about personality, my wife must be a little more outgoing than I am (this does not mean loud and obnoxious though, and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what being meek is).

Update 2 (December 31, 2005): My future girlfriend, fiancée, and wife will love Christian Music and not listen to any secular music (any at all, actually).

Update 3 (January 11, 2006): My future girlfriend, fiancée, and wife must be real. What do I mean by that? I mean that when she’s around me, she doesn’t act differently than when she’s around her other friends. I’m completely open, honest, and sincere with everything I give, so I feel she should be also. If she says she’s shy — she should be shy. If she says she’s outgoing, be outgoing. I’m not going to marry a superficial young lady. If she’s outgoing, I want to know her that way. If she’s shy, I want to know her that way. If she feels I won’t accept her for who she is, then who is she? If she’s herself, she has nothing to hide but herself. That’s who I want to see. The woman God created her to be. Not some mirror image of someone she perceives as “perfect”.

Update 4 (April 13, 2007): Update to the second update.  While “must love Christian music” stays, I believe that if she’s lost in God, she’ll be able to discern what is right and wrong in terms of what she listens to.  Also, the length of time she has been a Christian is obviously something else to take into account.

Secondly, I do not want anyone to think these are “she’s got to be this way”.  While these are good, admirable qualities, I know that she may not have them all “perfected”.  I’m not perfect on any of these, and even fail at times myself.  I also know that she may be a newer believer.  While she has to be pure, I do not think the distant past should be judged.  I want her to be growing in God and learning the things God is speaking to her. 

Update to the first one, I don’t fully hate cell phones.  I still don’t think they should be used on dates (of any kind), for more than a few minutes max.  There’s a point to where it’s past “okay” to the point of rude.  I realize dating can be nervous, but cell phones shouldn’t be a way to get over that nervousness.  I understand emergencies and phone calls from family.

As for update number three, I was basically just saying I want my date to be herself and not feel like she has to impress me or anything.  I’m already impressed if I’m taking her out.

My Future Wife:

  
1. Must be a Christian.
    
   1. Loves Christ with all her heart.
   2. Means what she says when she says she’s a Christian.
   3. Good morals (ie: no premarital sex)
2. Loves everyone and holds nothing against anyone (does not bitterness in her heart against people).
3. Does not care for the things of the world, which includes:
   1. Music
   2. TV (ie: shows where they talk about nothing but sex, and have nothing but profanity)
   3. Drugs
4. Respect:
   1. Respects those in authority, and everyone she’s around.
   2. Respects me, as I respect her.
   3. Respects HERSELF in her clothing, speech, etc.
5. Not jealous of anyone.
6. Doesn’t mind moving to other states, and such (obviously after marriage).
7. MUST NOT be manipulative (this would be tied into the others also).

Amoung other happy news … I’m happy! I don’t know why I’m happy. It’s not like I’m never happy, but for some reason I’m just happy. It’s diffrent, but awesome. God’s awesome. What’s so awesome is that Jesus died for me because he loved me. He LOVED me! You know sometimes we can push things out of the way and try to not worry or think about them, and when we do that it’s like trying to hide something that’s just not there. It’s like knowing it’s there, but not attending to it. This can be anything, even sins. A sin, purhaps, we don’t want God to know about so we push it out of our mind to try to make God think it’s not there. I know I’m guilty of it. I don’t want to be like that anymore though. I’ve pretty much always been straight up with people. If something looks good I’ll tell them it looks good. If I have something that’s bothering me, I’ll be straight up and tell them. Purhaps, though, just purhaps, I tell everyone else but never tell God those things, and He wants to know those things (much more than the people I tell also).

I was reading this awesome morning about a church not too far from here that made me jealous. Jealous because that’s what I want. So many, so very many, things are happening there. The city sounds just like ours too (a little diffrent, of course). There are drug problems, the works. There church (which is really just a youth group on Tuesdays and Saturdays) is growing. Over 700 people (if I read right). It’s what I want for this area. I’ve asked God why can’t we have that here … and I’m expecting an answer. I think, maybe, that I saw it elsewhere (Colorado Springs) that I’ve been blinded (is that the right word), and I’ve had this mindset that it just cannot happen here. This place is so religious. What, though, what if that wasn’t so much a bad thing for once? What if that is how people start coming? Our generation is searching for something diffrent. We’re tired of the same old same old. We want something real.

Your loves like candy! You take me places that I never dreamed I could go. God is so awesome, things in my life that I never imagined could happen — have happened. God has taken me farther than I could have ever imagined. I can only guess where I would be at if God hadn’t come in (and focusing on that really doesn’t accomplish anything).